Entitled ~ Belligerent ~ Disrespectful.
Do you know this teenager?
I would be shocked if you didn't know one, or have one living in your own home. I don't know about you, but THIS is the teenager that 'I' ordered. Not sure what caused the mix up. :)
Many in my age group and culture would say that they would Never have done what the teens today will do, because they would have been backhanded by mom, or dad. True. Where I live, I see a lot of spoiled teenagers with bad attitudes. My own included. I have an 18 and 19 year old. I sit here wondering how I survived thus far, especially as a single parent. Dad is here in town, but he didn't go through the daily struggles I went through, nor does he understand them they way I do. He thought I should have had more control over them. He's right there, but it's not as easy these days. There are so many issues with raising kids and so many schools of thought on how to do it. They have full access to the information highway, and we did not. They see things that we did not. They are desensitized to much bad behavior because they see it everywhere. Does anyone really have the miracle cure?
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No. They don't. Then there's the embarrassment and judgement waiting All around you depending on which teen rearing policy you subscribe to. In today's society you don't dare raise a hand to your child because you can be thrown in jail and the kids know it! And they use it against you. Where do you turn? What power do you have when they have more time and access to the people and information forming their entitled attitude than we did growing up? How do you stay ahead of them? Where do you turn when they are using Their power and control over You? Yes, in some ways, they have more power than we did. "Touch me and I'll call the cops!" Well that goes Both ways! So many parents are using the local police to raise their kids....That's right.
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Your kid is out of control...? Call the Cops? Just remember that if you do this, and do it often, that they will Never trust you again. This is NOT the best way to go. I've seen that happen to families. Cops called regularly and the family breakdown is not pretty. There may be a time when it is wise, but don't use this as your first option. Back in the day, the best they had was, "Touch me and I'll call grandma." No big threat there because Grandma may just take a chunk out of their hide too! No. I'm not saying we Should beat our kids. I'm saying that Some kids would push the cart back then. Today it seems that Most kids push the cart and they push it a lot further now than we did. I used to meet with a unique group, which is sponsored by our county. The parents were in distress, crying and wanting to give up on their kid/s because the behaviors are draining the life out of them. 'I' was in this group....Some situations were causing them to lose their jobs. It's a good program based on love and limits. But they also like to get in the 'call the cops' game. Honestly, some of the best advice I ever got was from a book called 1, 2, 3 Magic. If you have young kids, get it, read it and Use it! Keep it in motion all the way through. I started using it when they were young and it worked great! I stopped, and shouldn't have.
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My lessons learned. #1 When they go off on you screaming and yelling, the best thing you can do is disconnect yourself emotionally. Very hard at first, but very necessary. They know All your buttons and how to push them. Do Not engage. And this is not the time to be punishing them. Wait till all is calm, then dole it out calmly. If they learn that they can send you over the edge and bring you down to their age, you are at a huge disadvantage and they will do it a lot.
In this picture, I imagine that the teenager is probably pushing Lots of buttons and it got the better of dad. Now He's acting HER age. How can she respect That? If they've been doing this and you've been engaging, you're in for a test of your will power. When you stop engaging, they are going to up the ante. They will push Much harder to get you to blow. Don't. Don't listen to their words. They are not their words. They are not these horrible actions. Don't take it personally. I know. Hard to do when your own flesh and blood is screaming and calling you horrible things. Trust me. This is lesson #2. And the other very important thing I learned is to remember that they are human. When I had my issues with this type of behavior, I often forgot to speak to my kid with respect. I became so obsessed with trying to figure out how to control them that I forgot they are not JUST an untamed animal who needs to be broken and ordered around. When things are calm, LOVE THEM. SHOW them respect. NEVER take away the love. This will only draw you further apart on the battlefield. When they are teens, do Not forget this. It Will make a difference, at some point. And one thing we were told in this group was not to ever take away any family outing, gathering etc.
No Matter what they did, they should Always remain a part of family functions. If you want them to love you, respect you and be a positive role in the family, You have to Be that and give them the opportunities to be that whenever you can. How else can they model it? It is easy to stop doing this under tyrannical behavior, but don't. Don't Ever. Oh...And don't be embarrassed by your kids. You don't need That to deal with too. If people want to judge you instead of offering some help, then what they think does Not matter. And never underestimate the power of prayer and Believe in your kids. Believe they will be better. Don't project more negative behavior, because if that's what you focus on, you will subconsciously do things to bring out that Very behavior.
Love and Limits.
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